Caretakers: Your Needs are Important Too

Hey everyone,

I wanted to talk about a touchy subject that can be very real to a lot of people. The other day I was talking with a friend, briefly, about when you let your own needs go by the wayside while you take care of something else or someone else. She blurted out that I should do a blog post about and I agreed. Sometimes you don't know you're doing it until it's too late.

I'm not aware of her backstory, but I do have my own life experiences to share with you. As many of you already know, my mom has Multiple Sclerosis along with many other things, including Diabetes. She was diagnosed when I was nine years old and I remember that was around the time that she was having trouble keeping her balance. She had been through canes, walkers, lift chairs, manual and power wheelchair, wheelchair vans and a service dog. She had great progress in the right direction when she was diagnosed with having Diabetes, believe it or not. When she was able to get her sugar under control her overall well being started to look up. My mom later went through a diagnosis of breast cancer and multiple surgeries throughout my growing up years for various reasons. She has gotten rid of the breast cancer, thankfully and we are now praying that it stays away. I'm telling you all of this so you can get an idea of how I grew up with my mom and in no way am I looking for pity about anything. These are just facts.

As a nine year old, I was losing my oldest sister to college and it quickly became me and my sister's responsibility to help my mom with everything we possibly could, especially while my dad was at work. Eventually, we were having to help her with all of the basic things that you and I would be able to do on our own.

This helped me to grow up pretty fast and for for the last 18 years I've been a care taker. It's a strange feeling between being the "kid" and being the "parent." Yes, I take on emotions of being a parent to my own parents. We have a weird relationship. We all know who the kids are and who the parents are, but I "parent" my parents quite often. I know that I'm not actually a parent in real life, but believe me when I say that I can feel like one very often. I know what it's like to always put the needs of others in front of yours, worry to death when you're out of control of their well being, be the nurse, doctor, teacher, therapist, friend, counselor, extra ear, entertainer, comforter, cleaner, cooker, gardener, I've been it all. We all have in my family, and that's ok. Family is there for a reason and I love my family and my life. It's helped shape me to be who I am.

As a caretaker, whoever you're taking care of, it can be very tough to remember to take care of yourself. Sometimes when we remember, we don't have enough desire to do the things we need. It can be very hard. But, over the years I have learned something. Who can take care of the person you're caring for if you don't take care of yourself? No one. It's of utmost importance to make sure that you are at your best health just as much as your person is at their best.

Their health and needs are just as important as yours. Sometimes we forget this. Most parents and caretakers just naturally put their own needs last, and while that is normal and selfless, there comes a time when you find yourself grasping for your flotation device, unable to find it. There are things you can do to help yourself balance your responsibilities and your needs. The answer is simple, and yet can be hard to find when you need it.

What do you need?

What do you want?

What helps you to feel centered again?

The answers are in the things that help you the most. Maybe you need to make sure that you take control of how often you eat, whether is be, too little, too much, adding in a snack so you don't have problems later on in the day.

Maybe the answer is getting more exercise, relieving some stress and getting more physically active or relaxing with yoga stretches.

Maybe the answer is getting enough sleep and figuring out what you need. Maybe it's a sleep habit change that could do you wonders or even a 15 min nap in the afternoon that could recharge your battery.

Maybe you could use some time to yourself, but you don't know when you could ever have time to yourself. There are ways to get this done. If you're a parent of a little one or a very dependent person, maybe ask someone to watch them for a little while and go do your shopping without them. It could be that you would feel better just waking up early and spending some time to yourself while they're still sleeping, before the day begins or ends.

Maybe the answer is to take care of your physical beauty needs. Maybe you just need someone to cut your hair and give you a freshened look to feel better. Maybe you would feel better if you had a manicure and/or pedicure or even a massage.

Maybe having a cleaner more organized house would help you feel more centered and happier. If you're having trouble fitting it into your daily life, make a list and see if that could help you get organized.

Speaking of lists, maybe making daily lists would help you bring yourself back to focus and make you feel like your needs and goals are being accomplished along the way.

Maybe listening to your favorite music or watching something you love on the TV or even going to the movies from time to time could help.

There are a million options to help you feel more centered and refreshed. The big thing is to ask yourself what you need or want. Even though we know the answers in our hearts, it can be a very hard answer to pull out of ourselves. On the other hand, you may know right away what you need. You might be screaming what you need and want constantly to yourself or others. The first step is to know what will help.

But the main thing, above all the extra little things, make sure that your basic needs are met. Make sure you're getting enough food, healthy food. Make sure to get enough sleep to function the next day. Make sure to take care of your daily living needs. As I said before, if you don't take care of yourself then who will take care of your responsibility (person or thing/situation.)

I have learned the importance of doing this and learned that my needs are also important. It can be a hard thing to grasp when you're someone who naturally puts others before yourself. But I promise, it's worth it. In a way, it's also like you're still putting their needs before your own by making sure they get the best care from you because you are feeling good and healthy.

Good luck with your journey. <3